всё кроме любви,
вся наша жизнь
я, я не один —
но без тебя,
всё кроме любви,
вся наша жизнь
я, я не один —
но без тебя,
that was polite of him.
from the Dallas Observer:
The LGBT Resource Center at Texas A&M University, like its cousins at the University of Texas and the University of Houston, is an innocuous arm of school bureaucracy that offers an array of resources to gay and transgendered students. There is a guest speaker program, a lending library, networking opportunities, LGBT awareness events, information on counseling, connections to advocacy groups both on- and off-campus. Like we said: innocuous.
But State Rep. Bill Zedler, the Arlington Republican, seems to think these organizations are more akin to San Francisco bathhouses circa 1980. As the Voice noted yesterday, Zedler filed an amendment to the Senate budget that would cut funding for “Gender and Sexuality Centers and Related Student Centers.”
He goes on to explain his reasoning: such centers “support, promote or encourage any behavior that would lead to high risk behavior for AIDS, HIV, Hepatitis B, or any sexually transmitted disease.”
In a letter to lawmakers, Resource Center Dallas CEO Cece Cox calls Zedler’s proposal “mean-spirited and discriminatory.”
“This amendment has no public health value,” Cox writes. “It does not reduce the spread of HIV/AIDS or any other sexually transmitted disease. It exists for one reason and one reason only: to target college student resource centers simply because the centers provide services to the LGBT community.”
Sort of like that bill in the A&M student senate, which is up for debate this evening, that would allow students to opt out of funding LGBT student groups.
Zedler, if he would ever return our calls, would likely argue that rates of HIV and other STDs are disproportionately high among gay men. The CDC says as much. But the CDC also says that infection in gay individuals, just as in straight ones, can be prevented through safe sexual practices and avoidance of drugs, suggesting that the type of education and support provided by campus LGBT resource centers might actually help reduce infection rates. Further undermining Zedler’s argument, the agency notes that “homophobia, stigma, and discrimination” elevate the risk of physical and mental health problems.
But Zedler’s never been one to let facts or reason get in the way of a ridiculous legislative idea. He’s just not very good at getting his fellow lawmakers to sign on. For the sake of gay and transgendered college kids, here’s hoping that doesn’t change.
Alex, a dancer, and Nikola, a web designer, were lying on the bed naked. Mozart’s Fortieth Symphony played quietly in the background. Nikola was smoking while Alex cut cocaine on a CD.
They had begun twenty-four hours earlier at the birthday party of a makeup artist friend (0.5 grams + orange juice), then continued at Tabula Rasa (0.3 grams + still mineral water) and Niagara (0.8 grams + still mineral water + two cigars). After that, having drunk a cup of green tea at Shot Glass, they went to a morning show of “Attack of the Clones.” Then they went out to the dacha of a woman designer they didn’t know very well (1.3 grams + sparkling mineral water + fruit tea + 150 ml whiskey + apple juice + strawberry tart + grapes + candy + 150 ml of apricot liqueur + strawberries + green tea + strawberries with whipped cream). In the evening they returned to Nikola’s place (0.4 grams).
“Just a tiny bit, Nik. We’ll finish it off,” said Alex, who was making two puny lines with a discount card from a party supplies store.
“Is that all there is?” asked Nikola, squinting his beautiful glazed eyes.
“That’s it, now — all gone.”
They silently snorted the cocaine through a plastic straw. Alex wiped up the cocaine dust with his thin finger and gently touched it to the head of Nikola’s cock. Nikola looked down.
“You want to?”
“I always want to.”
“Listen, do we have any whiskey left?”
“We never did have any.”
“Really?” said Nikola, with tense surprise. “Well, what do we have?”
“Only vodka.” Alex gently took Nikola’s balls in his palm.
“I’m kinda out of it…” said Nikola, stretching.
“I’ll get it.”
Alex sprang up and went into the kitchen. Nikola stubbed out his cigarette in a steel ashtray. Alex returned silently with vodka and a shot glass. He poured. Nikola drank. Alex kneeled down in front of him and slowly ran his tongue around the lilac-colored head of Nikola’s member.
“But first do it like velvet, hedgehog,” said Nikola, licking his dry lips.
“Yes, massah,” said Alex in English, taking two velvet women’s belts — one black and one purple — off the chair.
They lay on the bed, pressed their bodies together, and wrapped their legs around each other. Alex looped the purple belt around Nikola’s neck; Nikola wound Alex’s neck in the black one. Their lips came together, opened, and their tongues touched.
They began choking each other.
Five-year-old Rita and Masha lay on their beds, side by side, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. The other sixteen children were asleep. On the opposite side of the wall, the nanny and the night guard were fucking.
A car passed by outside the window. Strips of light slid across the ceiling.
“A dragon,” said Masha.
“Nooo. A giraffe,” Rita sniffed.
The nanny’s muffled grunt could be heard through the wall.
“What is Nina Petrovna doing in there?” asked Masha.
“She and Uncle Misha are choking each other.”
“What does that mean?”
“They lie in bed naked and choke each other. With their hands.”
“It’s where babies come from. And ’cause it feels good. My mama and papa do it all the time. They undress naked all the way and start doing it. Do yours?”
“I don’t have a papa.”
They were quiet for awhile. Another car passed by. And another one.
“Oy, oh my God, oy, Mish … Not that way…” muttered the nanny on the other side of the wall.
Masha raised her head:
“Rita. You wanna choke each other?”
“But we’ll have babies.”
They were quiet for awhile. Rita thought about it:
“No we won’t.”
“We aren’t a man and a lady.”
“Oh … but anyway, let’s do it, okay?”
“Okay. Only we have to take our clothes off.”
“Noooo! It’s cold. Let’s do it like this.”
“If we’re not naked it won’t work.”
They spent a long time taking off their pajamas. They got into Masha’s bed.
They grabbed each other by the neck. They began choking each other.
FINALLY! Bic figured out that women can’t use something unless it’s in a pastel color and says FOR WOMEN on it, so they decided to make lilac, coral, pink, and aqua-colored ballpoint pens. Across the world, billions of women stood up and cheered. Now, after all these years, they would finally be able to use a pen.
those are the sassiest reviews i’ve ever seen
seriously go read them
“A respectable woman does all her writing in needlepoint. Moreover, the Bic For Her pen put my delicate arm at and awkward angle and subsequently irritated my girdle.”
IM LAUGHING SO HARD OMG
IM FUCKING CRYING OMFG THOSE REVIEWS MADE ME PROUD TO BE A WOMAN
“These pens are just as, if not MORE absorbent, than my usual tampons. Unbelievable. Thanks, Bic!”
“If you identify as male do NOT use this product…My little brother turned into a unicorn after I lent him one, and my friend told me that a boy in her class grew fairy wings in the middle of a test.”
THE REVIEWS ARE JUST-
“Someone has answered my gentle prayers and FINALLY designed a pen that I can use all month long! I use it when I’m swimming, riding a horse, walking on the beach and doing yoga. It’s comfortable, leak-proof, non-slip and it makes me feel so feminine and pretty! Since I’ve begun using these pens, men have found me more attractive and approchable. It has given me soft skin and manageable hair and it has really given me the self-esteem I needed to start a book club and flirt with the bag-boy at my local market. My drawings of kittens and ponies have improved, and now that I’m writing my last name hyphenated with the Robert Pattinson’s last name, I really believe he may some day marry me! I’m positively giddy. Those smart men in marketing have come up with a pen that my lady parts can really identify with.
Where has this pen been all my life???”
“I love BIC Cristal for Her! The delicate shape and pretty pastel colors make it perfect for writing recipe cards, checks to my psychologist (I’m seeing him for a case of the hysterics), and tracking my monthly cycle. Obviously, I don’t use it for vulgar endeavors like math or filling out a voter application, but BIC Cristal for Her is a lovely little writing utensil all the same. Ask your husband for some extra pocket money so you can buy one today!”
AND MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE-
“I see this comes in a sleek design. But as a “full-figured” woman, do these pens come in “curvy and carefree”?”
The ones for the ball point pens are even better-
“I can see so clearly now. The pens I were using before were clunky, HEAVY, and always had drab black or blue ink (obvs meant for dudes). These new pens come in vibrant colors and styles of glitter that are usually reserved for children and elephant painters. BUT HOORAY. Now I get to essentially write with a gel pen all-day, every-day. My male co-workers will have no choice but to take me seriously and recognize my work if I constantly write in purple glitter. Certainly the variety of pen choices accessible to women these days reassures me completely that we live in a post-sexist society. In fact, I don’t have any issue stating that these pens have single-handedly liberated me from the former oppressive, (phallic) pen hell I was living in before. The last pen I bought got a promotion before I did, even though the work it did was actually my own. UGH.
Thanks, BIC. I can finally be a woman now.”
“As a man, using one of these pens was obviously quite accidental on my part. I was alarmed to discover that, upon waking this morning, I was wearing very delicate pink panties and a pair of heels in my size were waiting for me next to my side of the bed. Can anyone tell me if this a common side effect of using BIC Crystal For Her Ball Pens? PS: The matching bra is a perfect fit. (Thanks!)”
New BIC for Women pens… they double as tampons!